Unapologetically Me

Here it goes ..it may sound like a huge cliché' but at some  moment the other day I suddenly had the realization that I'm not sure I totally know myself. It sounds silly.. like how could one not really know themselves? But I think I've spent the last 14 years+ years being a mom and trying to simultaneously please everyone around me that I've simply lost myself as a person. What does one do to find their true self? Some things I do know about myself.. I'm a people pleaser and this is both a positive thing and a very huge character flaw. I think that I spend so much time and effort to make sure that everyone is happy that I don't always take my feelings into consideration. I once was told by someone who I considered to be one of my best friends that I was just too sad to be around. I've worked on that. I tend to make jokes and make light of things. I am happier than I used to be and yet still somewhat broken.. I don't know what I want. I'm a shit...

I set up this blog over half a year ago and it just sat with a draft half done for the longest time. What made me decide that at 1:17 that I wanted to actually come home and write? I don't know. I'm not expecting this to be read by many if any but I felt like I needed to do it. Not for others but myself and maybe along the way I will allow a glimpse into my life and you will get to know the real and raw me.. At some point I had decided that the following little blurb needed to be written. I don't know when exactly I wrote it and I'm not in the exact place that I was then but felt like it doesn't hurt to publish my feelings.. at least at the time they were written.. so here it goes.. from whenever this was written... I've wanted to write this for awhile.. only a few minutes ago when I was in the shower I finally realized that I needed to stop giving myself an excuse and just do it already. And since I don't generally do things small I've started a blog...