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10 days into the new year..

7. Looking to take a cooking class at the end of the month. I’ve never tried to make homemade pasta so the idea sounds fun and possibly challenging if you consider my cooking ability level. Heck maybe if it turns out good I can do that for my dinner party. 8. Read a book  (or more) every month.- January.. looking into figuring out just where I put the book I had started before I started another book. Got a flight to California next week so I’ll probably get some reading done then.  9. Purge things- multiple garbage bags of clothes off to a textile drive and probably a few more to go. A few boxes for Good Will.. man it feels great to get rid of stuff. 10.  Pay it forward -January- donated a variety of items for the Kentlake Food bank.. 12. Travel to a new state - Anna mentioned maybe a road trip to Montana this summer.. we’ll see if that pans out.  15. Do something once a month for ME. January- got to enjoy a lovely massage at Happy Foot with two of my amazing coworkers. 16.
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Hello 2020?

A year before I turned 30 I started a blog of 30 things I wanted to do before I turned 30. I spent the year planning adventures and finding joy in things again. I’ve decided I wanted to do that again. I decided to make a list of 20 things I want to do in 2020. I don’t know how this is going to work out or what will actually come of it but I need something to look forward to, something to help me find just a little more joy while learning just a little more about myself. Here goes nothing.. 1. Dinner party with friends- this was on my 30 before 30 list and never happened. I’ve got a ton of instapot recipes that I want to try and most of them are way more than 2 people so let’s make it happen. But first deep clean of the house so that I’m not embarrassed to have others over.. ugh I hate cleaning. 2. Travel alone- also from my 30 before 30. This one makes me the most nervous because I’ve seen a ridiculous amount of Criminal Minds/Law and Order SVU but I feel like what better way to fi
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Not all sunshine and roses

Raising a teenager is hard. I am very thankful for the support Jesse has given while I suddenly find myself with a kid that seems to hate me no matter what I do. His biggest issue is that I have too many rules. Kid, it wasn’t that long ago that I was a kid myself and I want way better for you. I want dances and dorm rooms and the true college experience that I missed out on. I want you to learn from your mistakes and become better than me. As hard as it is to admit it I think that the harder things get with him the more I feel like I’m losing myself and  treading water on my own. Don’t get me wrong I don’t regret my decision to raise Aiden as a young mom. He will make it in the end. He may not know I see it but I see all the good. I see the kid who wanted (and inevitably did) buy a bike for a 4 year old who only wanted a new pair of shoes for Christmas, the kid who used some of his Christmas money to buy his sister a Baby Shark book during our trip to the aquarium for my nieces 2nd bir
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The cliché'

Here it goes ..it may sound like a huge cliché' but at some  moment the other day I suddenly had the realization that I'm not sure I totally know myself. It sounds silly.. like how could one not really know themselves? But I think I've spent the last 14 years+ years being a mom and trying to simultaneously please everyone around me that I've simply lost myself as a person. What does one do to find their true self? Some things I do know about myself.. I'm a people pleaser and this is both a positive thing and a very huge character flaw. I think that I spend so much time and effort to make sure that everyone is happy that I don't always take my feelings into consideration. I once was told by someone who I considered to be one of my best friends that I was just too sad to be around. I've worked on that. I tend to make jokes and make light of things. I am happier than I used to be and yet still somewhat broken.. I don't know what I want. I'm a shit
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The start of Unapologetically Me..

I set up this blog over half a year ago and it just sat with a draft half done for the longest time. What made me decide that at 1:17 that I wanted to actually come home and write? I don't know. I'm not expecting this to be read by many if any but I felt like I needed to do it. Not for others but myself and maybe along the way I will allow a glimpse into my life and you will get to know the real and raw me.. At some point I had decided that the following little blurb needed to be written. I don't know when exactly I wrote it and I'm not in the exact place that I was then but felt like it doesn't hurt to publish my feelings.. at least at the time they were written.. so here it goes.. from whenever this was written... I've wanted to write this for awhile.. only a few minutes ago when I was in the shower I finally realized that I needed to stop giving myself an excuse and just do it already. And since I don't generally do things small I've started a blog
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